Learn the Plays & Ploys of New Zealand Government Agencies to Beat Them At Their Own Sordid Game
Since starting
'The Customer & The Constituent'
back in January 2024, I've been learning things about the New Zealand political scene as it relates to Ministers and their Ministries (or agencies or bureaus), and also the behind-the-curtain Parliamentary machinations related to them.
Things I almost wish now that I
didn't
know. But they're things that, for better or for worse, ALL New Zealanders
should
know, about the way the New Zealand Government and its "public service"
really
operates.
If you don't know how things operate
in reality
(not just the PR fluff on their websites) in some of these big-name agencies that we are forced to deal with in one way or another, at some time or another, depending on the need or issue you're attempting to have solved or resolved, you could go around in ever-increasing frustrating circles for weeks, months and even years. Before getting
absolutely nowhere.
And the worst part is: That's the
intention.
The 5 D's
1) Delay
2) Defer
3) Deny
4) Defend
5) Dismissed
They're largely self-explanatory, but it's an absolute playbook that they stick to, and apparently senior agency bureaucrats and Ministers and their staff are taught this as a rite of passage into parliamentary and career public "roles" . . . and then are sworn to secrecy over it, in a manner that almost has "Eyes Wide Shut" secret society overtones to it. You NEVER refer to the '5 D's' outside of the walls of inner sanctums.
However, I'd add two more "D"s to their list:
The sixth:
Deaf (as in, Ignore).
The seventh:
Dumb.. And oh my goodness, let me count the ways
(which I will do in further articles in this Series, in specific, detailed and named examples).
So between your introduction herein to the 'D's', and my ongoing and, I hope, enlightening, series for your continuing and essential edification regarding How Wellington
Really
Works, I trust that you'll end up knowing how to deal with this sordid scene in a more strategic manner, for a less infuriating time, and maybe even with an outcome. Although there's no guarantee that any "outcome" won't be
no outcome. Because that's almost always their intention.
Oh, and I
do hope that my pieces actually
do become an ongoing series, because they do "hit men" (of sorts), too. Yeah, really. Paid generously (with
your money, by the way) to "remove" "difficult"
(their words;
not mine) individuals. Like me.
Stay tuned. See you again shortly. I hope.
(PS: I think a feel a book coming on.)
COMING NEXT:
A drill-down on each of the 'D's.
And next up after that:
The detailed argument I'll put to the private sector on why hiring an ex-bureaucrat is a
very
bad idea (Hint:
You might think it gives you in-house lobbyist power and back-door influence, but the price you'll pay is the '5D' customer service anti-culture they'll foster throughout your organisation.
Even IF you keep them away from the frontline, it will happen by osmosis anyway. And faster than you think.
The worst part? The longer you keep them, the more irreversible the damage they'll seed in your culture. Which then hits your brand. And so on.
So, to C-suites everywhere, this will be a read you
NEED.
