When you refuse a compliment, it's like ungratefully handing back a gift.

I remember reading that somewhere, a long time ago. It's true, isn't it? Have you ever offered someone a compliment and they refuse it, ignore it, diffuse it, or downgrade it?

Sometimes it's ignorance and a plain lack of manners and good grace. Sometimes it's bashfulness and an inability to gracefully accept praise.

But - in the case of a shop assistant or other customer-facing operative ignoring a compliment - it's often just complete obliviousness to the person they're "serving".

That was brought home to me when I went into an outlet to find my favorite, increasingly hard-to-get beverage, Schweppes Soda Water in a glass bottle 4-pack. (I've got no idea why supermarkets no longer stock this basic item along with the rest of the Schweppes soft drink range, but they don't.)

I've only found two outlets in the entire Greater Wellington region that still stock this very refreshing beverage - that I have found no acceptable substitute for. One is a bottle store in Tawa, and the other is a bottle store in Masterton.

During one of my most recent purchases of this product, I expressed my gratitude to the shop assistant at the counter, for the fact that they continue to stock it - especially when supermarkets inexplicably no longer do.

Ignorance Does NOT Create Goodwill

The assistant just ignored me - as though I had not spoken. They certainly must have heard me. I was the only one in the store, and they were in front of me scanning the product's bar code at the time.

I repeated the compliment. And they repeated the ignorance.

Unbelievable. I was grateful that I was, in fact, the only one in the store, because I would have been humiliated had anyone else witnessed the very ignorant non-verbal rebuff of my genuine statement of gratitude.

I can't help but feel mildly affronted by this recent rebuff whenever I go to repeat my purchase in this outlet. And it shouldn't be so. I should have a nice, fuzzy feeling about how I not only enjoy the ability to purchase this product, but that the outlet recognises they have a grateful, repeat customer.

What's the moral of the story? I suppose it's this: 

If you're a mature-age store owner or shop assistant, have some basic bloody manners. Why wouldn't you? Someone's offering you a compliment, for goodness' sake.

And if you are a business owner, make sure you school your younger, less mature-minded counter staff in the good grace of how to politely accept a compliment. Even, maybe, thank the shopper who extends themselves to offer the compliment.

Such a small thing, handled correctly, sets the tone for future goodwill. Or, handled ignorantly, leaves the customer embarrassed and not willing to humiliate himself or herself again in your store.

In closing, here's an example of a compliment handled correctly: 

Today, I was fueling up in the Mobil petrol station in Masterton.

An American tourist had pulled in, in his campervan. He had used the service station's restrooms, and had made a point of coming back to the counter, and complimenting the staff member serving, on the cleanliness of the facilities.

His compliment was recognised, and a return of appreciation for the compliment was offered.

Simple. Both parties felt good. Actually, three parties. Because I witnessed the exchange, and it was a momentary pleasantry that vicariously made me feel good, too.